‘I can’t stop thinking about sex with my ex’ – relationship advice 

Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who can't stop thinking about her ex lover
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who can't stop thinking about her ex lover

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Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine advises a woman who is confused after seeing her ex…

Q When my marriage split up I immediately started going out with someone. It was pretty steamy for a few months, but perhaps I was coming on a bit too strong. 

Anyway he dumped me and it hurt like hell – almost as bad as my divorce.

I got myself back together though and for the past six months I’ve been seeing a new guy. 

The thing is I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who surprised me by saying it would be good to get together again. I told him that was never going to happen, but since then I can’t stop thinking about him.

A This man made a big impression on you at a time when you were particularly vulnerable after your divorce. It’s not so surprising that your passionate affair can still seem attractive, in spite of the way he hurt you.

But the chances are he’s simply hoping for more sex, not a proper relationship.

There’s nothing to stop him from doing so again. 

Q I think I need advice. I've lost my interest in women completely and I've been single my whole life.

It doesn’t really bother me; I’m not gay but I’ve just lost interest in anything sexual because of being heartbroken throughout my life and I think that might have something to do with it.

Should I just not date and be single because it wouldn’t make me happy, or should I just have women that are friends? 

A You say you’ve lost interest in women and in the next sentence you say it doesn’t bother you – but it clearly does.

I cannot help but wonder about one thing, and that’s where you tell me you’re not gay and link that to saying you’ve lost interest in anything sexual.

Is your lack of sexual interest in women because you’re denying your feelings for men?

You might need some counselling so you understand your own feelings a lot better than you seem to at present.

Contact Relate at relate.org.uk and speak to a counsellor.