I’d be like Bigfoot in these trendy new running shoes

COMMENT: Attraction will capitalise on the riches in our midst

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The latest craze set to take us by storm – apparently – is Vibram five-finger running shoes. Basically, these shoes look structurally like your feet, but with laces up the middle and in a variety of different colours.

They’re designed to give a natural feel for those who want to run free, instead of being over-supported in a big trainers.

But, as with many sports items before them, they’re being transported from the sporting arena into the normal everyday world of fashion.

Well, I say everyday. At around £100 a pop, they’re not everyday for most of us, unlike 99p leg warmers were when they made the transition, or sweat bands, or leggings, or tracksuit trousers.

Until writing that paragraph, I hadn’t realised quite how much we’re influenced by sport. Think hoodies, rucksacks, the whole shebang.

Of course, that’s rather ironic as we’re such a nation of slobs aren’t we? Maybe that’s where our slobbery has come from. If we’d all been dressed in clothes with fitted waistbands, instead of elastic, we would have noticed the onset of tightness and done something to stop the slip before it was too late. Sportswear has caused our stomachs’ demise.

But back to the Vibram shoes. Yikes, let me tell you they’re ugly-looking, like gloves for the feet but without the cuteness of mittens or the chicness of leather.

They’re truly gruesome and, as we women spend so much time disguising our feet and trying to make them something less hideous than they are, I can’t see how many of us are going to adopt footwear which gives away, with so much honesty, that we are all related to Bigfoot.

Aside from that, I have very odd feet. My ‘big’ toes aren’t ‘big’ at all. They’re stumpy in comparison to the others. If I put on Vibrams, the big toe cover would be half empty and flop along in front of me, waiting to trip me up. I’d be a stumpy Bigfoot. Hmm, not a nice image.

My feet are a size nine, so imagine the width of those babies. I have space enough between each toe to park a bike – and that’s what would happen if I wore Vibrams to the park, or the library.

My trainers are to keep my feet hemmed in. That’s their purpose and no-one is going to take that away from me.