I’d drop the waste on their house - from 2,000 feet

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One of the most beautiful things about the human race is that we’re all a little different.

Whether it’s race, religion, height, weight, accent, mannerisms or attitude, our clunky nuances stand us apart.

I’ve always enjoyed meeting people who are culturally different.

I like trying to understand how they live their lives and whether they’re doing something that could be beneficial if I introduced it into my life.

But there is one slice of society I’ve never managed to get to grips with and they are the mindless cretins who drop litter.

On a drive to London this week, I saw a high-flying city type in a smart Audi throw a banana skin and then an apple core from her tinted window.

She nonchalantly lobbed them on the floor before cruising off.

In an ideal world, two miles down the road she would have pulled over on the hard shoulder, choking violently on the banana.

Then I could have offered the Heimlich manoeuvre in return for an explanation of why she feels she can clutter up the society that you and I work and pay to keep clean.

I don’t know, maybe people like her have been given some sort of divine right to behave how they please.

Sadly there was no intervention, which meant that some poor devil will be required to risk his life in a hi-viz jacket sorting out her issues.

But stooping much lower than that are the fly tippers. These people must live a very shallow existence.

I was out running in the forest near Denmead, only to stumble across a hideous pile of detritus.

Somebody had simply reversed their tipper and poured tonnes of waste into a naturally beautiful area frequented by families.

There were receipts and ‘evidence’ in the mass.

If I had the means and wealth I’d hire a detective to find out who’d dropped it there.

Then I’d arrange for it all to be gathered together and dropped on to their property.

From 2,000 feet.