I had a great laugh with Botox Babs at the colorectal clinic

OPINION: There is no time to rejoice in Carillion’s troubles

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Folks, was I chuffed to fluffy balls that I bumped into Botox Babs at the QA colorectal clinic last Wednesday afternoon.

I was there to get Geronimo and Gertrude (my piles) zapped for the third year running.

Listen folks, for those of you who’ve thrown your hands up aghast because the old biddy’s writing about her piles again, I’ll tell you why.

It’s because my doctor asked if I would kindly write about any rectal exploratory examinations, as they find it very challenging to get patients to go.

Yes of course it’s embarrassing to have a little 
camera in one’s back passage.

But don’t you think those doctors have seen every type of fat/thin/spotty/hairy undercarriage there is?

Come on folks, stiff upper lip and all that, a rectal examination and early diagnosis might just save your life.

Anyway, back to Wednesday. As I get to the reception desk in QA outpatients, I’ve got my new frilly scarf zipped into my expensive leather jacket.

Nightmare. The zip won’t budge. So I’m getting all flustered trying to get out of my jacket as I pass my letter to the receptionist.

Then I hear the receptionist say ‘You’re AHP’.

‘What’s AHP?’, I query, still trying to get out of my jacket.

‘It’s a computer code for your name,’ she answers, continuing with, ‘we run two clinics here, and we often get people with the same name, so the computer picks random numbers for your name.’

I’m sorry, I don’t get it folks. I’ve been attending Sunnyside Surgery for years, where there is usually a day surgery, two or three nurses and three or four doctors.

My name and where I have to go comes up on an illuminated sign. Works fantastically. So, I’m grumpy.

Scarf has to be cut out of zip, an hour extra to wait, and I’m looking for ‘AHP’ on wall sign.

An attractive lady sits next to me, and off we go giggling and gossiping.

She’s telling me about years of (yes rectal ) examinations and surgery.

So brave, but she was so funny.

Suddenly , she looks at me, and says straightfaced: ‘And I’ve had my bum botoxed.

‘Just call me Botox Babs’.

She made my day!