I’m a stinky smoker and ashamed of it

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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Oh blimey, that’s me’ I said as I read a letter in The News on Saturday about the No Smoking signs at the QA Hospital and the smokers that ignore them.

Last Thursday, on the way back to Jemima Jalopy (my car), I had a sneaky fag outside QA’s north entrance (yes, where the No Smoking signs are).

In my defence, I’m a nicotine junkie and I’d just had my internal haemorrhoids injected – again. A real pain in the butt, dear.

I’d also been told they’re not going away, and as an annual treat I’ll probably have to get them injected until I hang my earth boots up. So I was mega-stressed.

I was eight feet away from the door, which is the law. But that’s no excuse, I know it’s a hospital.

So I’m a stinky smoker, probably killing myself, and I should be ashamed.