I’m getting rid of the black hole that is my calendar

So important to confide in somebody about abuse

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I’ve come to the realisation that having friends is hard work.

I had some mates round the other night for drinks and gave the house a quick tidy so it would look presentable.

While cleaning, I happened to notice that my calendar was looking a little bare. On further inspection I realised the whole month was completely empty.

I didn’t want my friends to think I have absolutely no life, so I told my boyfriend to write something, anything, on it!

After a couple of believable dentist appointments and the odd birthday party, he started getting a bit over the top and wrote in ‘Ferrari test drive’.

It was at this point I realised quite how tragic the situation had become.

Not only did we have no plans for the entire month, we were also now desperately coming up with events and appointments which we ‘could’ have been to just to impress our friends!

So I’ve decided the simplest solution to this depressing situation is to just get rid of the black hole that is my calendar. Well, that or just don’t invite my friends round any more.

Jez: So last week on the show Lou revealed she had started making things up to put on her calendar in order to impress her friends.

I don’t see what the problem with having a bare calendar is. I can’t say inspecting people’s calendars is a priority of mine when I visit them.

But when it comes to impressing visitors I do normally spend the afternoon slaving over my Gordon Ramsay or Jamie Oliver cookbooks and rustling up a homemade masterpiece.

Hours are spent in the kitchen and normally by the time I’ve finished there are dirty pots and pans everywhere and it looks like a bomb has exploded.

Of course when my visitors arrive I make sure I’m cool, calm and collected and give the impression I rustled up the food in 10 minutes.

When we sit down to eat with our guests, we also sometimes put on a classical music CD to appear intelligent and sophisticated.

But unfortunately when it comes to pudding I’m not so worried about impressing my mates and they get mini Magnums.