I’m known as Mr Slapdash because I just want it done

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STEVE CANAVAN: The case of the 'kitchen' door is open and shut

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I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of DIY. I’m afraid I simply don’t have the patience. As soon as I start a job, I get bored and want to move on to something else, meaning the last job is either unfinished or rushed.

My best mate calls me Mr Slapdash. I have that ‘get it done as soon as possible’ attitude, whereas he believes a job is not worth doing unless it’s done properly.

Then again, to be fair, this is the man who I’ve watched stain his garden fence with an inch-wide brush so he doesn’t miss a bit.

He also trims the edges of his lawn with kitchen scissors to get a straight edge. Honestly, watching him is painful.

To be fair though, he does realise that he suffers from a fair amount of OCD. It’s just the way he is.

I, on the other hand, will buy any piece of useless equipment I can to make a process easier and, more importantly, quicker.

Staining the garden fence takes minutes rather than many painstaking hours with one of those air pressure spray canisters you can now buy.

Off I pump, building up sufficient pressure, then I simply point the nozzle at the fence.

It stains everything in front of it. And as it turns out, to the side as well. That includes walls, windows, grass, even the neighbour’s dogs. Whoops.

I also bought one of those paint pads you see on the TV shopping channel advertised by Tommy Walsh from Ground Force fame.

‘No need to cut in and it halves the time it takes to paint,’ he says.

But the reality is never as good as what you see on the telly. I know from bitter experience.

I then purchased one of those roller systems that continually loads paint on to the roller when applying to the walls.

Apparently, it also self-cleans. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Well, I’ve only used it once.

The other half now wants to freshen up the kitchen. New tiles and flooring, fresh lick of paint and new blinds.

With impending disaster and the fear of the kitchen being a building site for the next two years, I’ve taken the sensible decision to get a man in who knows what he’s doing.