I’ve thought all along that the whole thing was a big con

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Surprise, surprise, it appears the ice caps aren’t actually melting. In fact they’re getting bigger.

The way people carried on you’d have thought the only ice left in the world was in the Asda freezer department.

I’ve thought all along that the whole melting ice caps thing and reports of polar bears swimming half-way around the world just to find somewhere to throw snowballs was all a big con by the energy companies.

The environmental do-gooders all jumped on the bandwagon, claiming Portsmouth would be under water if we didn’t stop using deodorant and start riding to work on penny farthings.

Now they’ll have to head over to the Arctic with suitcases full of hairdryers to try to melt as much ice as possible.