I’ve turned into tight old Rigsby from Rising Damp

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Why does everything have to be so difficult? Surely the christening of a child should be a time of celebration, not stress?

Just before Freddie turns one, we’re having him christened at our local church, where we got married.

He was the tightest person on the planet, hell bent on saving every single penny

It’s a big church and we can have 50 guests. Plenty of room, you’d have thought.

Once the date was confirmed, I sent out texts as it’s only a few weeks away.

Now I come from a small family. I’m an only child and with my folks in Ryde and some of my relatives from Cowes, that numbered six.

Freddie’s godfather and his family, plus some close friends, brought my total to 15.

But Sarah comes from a large family and after her siblings, partners, kids and relatives were added to the list, I was about to book Portsmouth Guildhall to squeeze us all in!

The idea of me firing up the barbecue in the garden after the christening soon went out of the window.

Because I’d need a whole cow and my own bakery to cater for that lot. Gosport’s Oakleaf Brewery would struggle with the demand for beer.

With the amount of fat dripping off the grills, the smoke and flames I’d generate would put Fawley oil refinery to shame.

Anyway, with so many people coming the ‘discussions’ went into the wee small hours.

Thankfully the venue we used for my 40th birthday party is free. But when you’re feeding so many guests, it soon turns into an expensive event.

I’ve now turned into Leonard Rossiter’s famous character Rigsby from the 1970s sitcom Rising Damp.

You may recall he was the tightest person on the planet, hell bent on saving every single penny.

So each guest can now look forward to getting a mini sausage and two cheese and pineapple squares on a stick.

As for drinks, I’ll make do with tap water.

I’ll make the cake courtesy of a Betty Crocker mix and I’ll get a friend to take some photos with my iPhone which I’ll then put straight on to Facebook.

Oh dear, Sarah has found out and I’m in trouble again!