I was expecting that he’d look like some sort of Frankenstein

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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I read an article about a man who had an argument with his mum, then in a fit of anger shot off his own face.

Wow, I don’t know what it was about, but that must have been some argument.

Not surprisingly, his face ended up a terrible mess.

But, thanks to the amazing feats that a surgical team can perform nowadays, he’s had a face transplant and looks okay now.

I was expecting a kind of Mr Potato Head situation where they’d cobbled together different facial features and turned him into some sort of Frankenstein.

I imagine his mum is pleased that everything has turned out all right.

But I bet she never complains again about the way that he stacks the dishwasher.