I was proud of my taut backside, and then I bought a rope and ball

It’s important the parade continues – but safely

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I have a problem with my bottom. More specifically, I have a problem with my pelvis.

These problems have seen me taking a trip to a well-known pet shop and buying a small rubber ball on a rope.

If your mind’s boggling, imagine what I was doing when my chiropractor, the lovely – if clearly unhinged – Paul Zalick from 24/7 Gym told me to do this.

He says the muscles around my pelvis have clamped around the bone. Now all the muscles in my leg and foot have been affected, leading to pain when I run. And I thought not having a wobbly bottom was a good thing.

For the next few weeks I have to attempt to make myself comfortable on this ball while it massages my glutes. And not feel too idiotic while I’m at it.