I was teased relentlessly after my mum sewed on a cushion

Romantic - Saddam Hussein

CLIVE SMITH: Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn about Valentine’s Day

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An activity I’ve had a love-hate relationship with down the years is roller skating.

My first pair of skates I owned back in the 1970s were Flyers.

You fitted them to your shoes and they had all the steering capacity of a shopping trolley, with no brakes so you were always crashing and coming home with grazed knees.

Another great use was placing your Rupert annual on them and then sitting on it to bomb down hills.

My mum thought they were death traps and sewed a cushion on my clothes.

I gave up shortly afterwards following relentless teasing from my schoolmates.

I briefly took it up again last year, but discovered I was still as bad as I was all those years ago!