If this catches on, will they have ‘living bacon’ at the butcher’s?

It’s important the parade continues – but safely

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I went to the supermarket over the weekend and saw this in the fruit and veg section – a ‘living lettuce’.

It’s a lettuce that comes with its roots still in a small container packed with mud. And I thought, if this catches on are they going to have ‘living bacon’ in the butcher’s section, with pigs running around?

Or are they going to try and sell me an aquarium and call it ‘living seafood’?

It’s bad news for vegetarians. They might buy a ‘living lettuce’ and then they won’t be able to kill it when they get it home. Nightmare!

One thing vegetarians don’t have to worry about though is how to eat a KFC gracefully. It’s impossible, isn’t it?

You just can’t look classy when trying to shove those bits of chicken in your gob. If you eat it in, you just look like a total tramp, even if you’re wearing a suit and tie or a posh frock.

And if you eat it from the box on the street, even tramps think you’re lowering the tone.

I suppose you could take a knife and fork with you and try to eat it like that, but you’d look a total plank which is even worse. 

It’s a great leveller. Along with ribs, a kebab and spag bol!

And don’t start me on trying to keep Subway fillings under control!

While on the subject of eating out, if you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, are you allowed to ask for a doggy bag for any food you can’t eat?

I know you can ask for one in a normal restaurant, because you’ve paid for the food.

It’s yours so you can take it home if you’re full. But what about at an all-you-can-eat job?

It doesn’t say at these buffets ‘all you can eat at the time’, does it? It just says ‘all you can eat’.

So my argument would be that I could, in theory, ask for a giant doggy bag and take home all the food I can lay my hands on, with the idea that I could eat it all later at some point. But the people who run these places seem to disagree.