Is there nowhere sacred for a man to get some peace?

Searching for Pokemon characters
Searching for Pokemon characters
Clive Smith is disgusted that a priest said he hopes Prince George grows up to be gay  Picture: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire

CLIVE SMITH: What decade is this out-of-touch priest living in?

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You can’t go anywhere at the moment without hearing about Pokemon Go.

I haven’t even downloaded the game and I feel like it’s somehow part of my life.

I think it’s good that they are out and about in the fresh air and away from sitting in the dark at a computer screen

Maybe it’s the steady stream of people walking past my window every day on the look out for the little cartoon critters.

Saudi Arabia has even issued a fatwa on Pokemon because it violates Islamic rules on gambling and uses images such as Christian crosses and Jewish stars.

I guess Salman Rushdie can take a bit of a breather, unless of course he has downloaded the app and spends hours wandering around Central Park hunting Rattatas.

In that case he’ll need a full wig, fake spectacles and nose disguise.

Post-Brexit, are these creatures even allowed in our country?

Someone very much on the ball has already developed a Pokemon dating app, called Pokedates.

Give me strength! What do people write in their biogs?

‘Looking for the Pikachu to my Squirtle, enjoy long walks on the beach to hatch my Pokemon Go eggs.’

I’d imagine anyone looking for love on a Pokemon dating site and then actually meeting up would result in the most socially awkward date of all time.

The game does seem to be coming in for all sorts of criticism.

After apparently chasing Pokemon characters, players were blamed for £8,000 of damage to a West Lothian cemetery.

But these things don’t move, so I can’t imagine there were hordes hurdling gravestones to get to them.

Pubs are even getting in on the act and enticing people in with the prospect of finding the creatures.

Come on. I know times are hard for pubs, but is there nowhere sacred left for a man to go and get some peace amongst his fellow kind?

For the kids, I think it’s good that they are out and about in the fresh air and away from sitting in the dark at a computer screen.

Doctors should see fewer cases of rickets now.

Anyway, that’s enough of this. I’m off to feed the Mewtwo that has taken up residence in my back garden.

A PARENT KISSING THEIR CHILD IS NOTHING TO BE OUTRAGED ABOUT

Victoria Beckham isn’t really in the news so much any more, but she caused a bit of controversy recently when she posted a picture online of herself kissing her daughter on the lips.

Unbelievably, there were actually people in uproar about it.

I don’t think someone kissing their own child is anything to be outraged about whatsoever.

I mean, why was is it even newsworthy?

But people took to social media with their pitchforks, tar and feathers, calling it disgusting and not a normal thing for a parent to do.

Absolute rubbish. If someone finds the image of a parent kissing their child on the lips to be wrong in some way, then I think the problem may actually lie with themselves.

WATCH OUT, DRUNKEN SEAGULLS ARE MORE LIKELY TO STEAL CHIPS

The hot weather always means one thing – flying ants.

Apparently, seagulls love a flying ant.

Because as they fill their bellies with the annoying little creatures, the gulls get drunk from the formic acid found in the ants.

Imagine, seagulls everywhere waking up with sore heads, swearing never to eat another flying ant and posting Facebook statuses wishing McDonald’s would do home delivery.

People say the gulls lose their inhibitions and are therefore more likely to attack you and steal your chips.

So if you’re down in Southsea when the sun shines, a word of warning.

Don’t stare at the seagulls – and definitely don’t spill their pint.