It’s cheaper to get your car washed than do it yourself

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With some mental arithmetic. I’ve worked out that, in the long run, it’s cheaper to get someone else to wash your car than do it yourself.

One of the things that sums up life today is the amount of hand-wash places there are.

Gosport has plenty. But I feel guilty sat there whilst others work hard buffing my motor.

Yet when you consider the cost of hot water, shampoo, electric to run the pressure washer and the damage it causes to the block paving over time, you can see that the £5 you spend getting someone else to do it actually saves you money.

So I have now decided to quit my radio job and become the new Chancellor of the Exchequer.