It’s much more sensible to buy a sofa on your own

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Sometimes you simply have to ignore your other half’s input in order to move on with your life.

And sometimes you have to shop away the guilt of ignoring your other half’s input – which is why it’s perfectly sensible to buy a sofa on your own.

No-one knew where I was or whether I would ever emerge intact or go native and paint my face in yellow and blue stripes

This was my happy moment when, after my teenage son and his mates decided to have a wrestle and broke the back of the old sofa, I decided enough was enough and it was time to get a new one.

I was secretly glad about the demise of the old sofa. I bought it in a secondhand store because it was long and so are we.

But after discovering it was insanely uncomfortable for any time over five minutes, I never really enjoyed its magnificent length.

Also, the cushions lent themselves to having all manner of things stuffed between them, down the edges and around the corners. Apple cores, plum stones, wrappers, a selection of cutlery encrusted with pasta, gravy and something unrecognisable. They’ve all been down there.

I realise this makes me sound like a super scummy mummy. But, be honest, who hasn’t found something icky somewhere unexpected with children, a husband and a dog in the house?

Which is why I’ve bought a sofa that has no places to sneak stuff into.

I went to IKEA by myself with no-one to drag me out, or tie a rope around my waist in case I got lost inside for days.

No-one knew where I was or whether I would ever emerge intact or go native and paint my face in yellow and blue stripes.

But actually, it was all quite tame and I entertained myself by sitting on various sofas next to a couple who were trying to buy their first one together and being all careful with one another’s feelings.

I followed them around mentioning that as they age they will definitely need a higher head rest and separate cushions are all well and good until you get children and they stuff things down the sides.

And as for my husband’s lack of input?

Well, I smoothed any hurt feelings about a surprise sofa purchase by presenting him with that most manliest of manly tasks.

Flat-pack assembly.