KIERAN HOWARD: Now we know how much we’ve wasted over the years

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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One episode of EastEnders sets our household back about three pence in electricity, I’ve discovered.

Another good reason, if one were needed, to stop watching such a depressing 30 minutes of television.

That equates to approximately £4.68 over a year, in case you’re interested. That’s nearly a fiver spent watching the less-than-joyous lives of those on Albert Square.

That figure doesn’t even include the TV licence either.

On the subject of the London-based soap, I urge you to play ‘family bingo’ when you tune in to watch it this evening. It’s a fun game. Basically, you just have to count how many times they say ‘family’ in a single episode. Incredibly I once counted 12!

Thanks to Louie, I’ve now also learned that a triple bill of Fireman Sam costs a staggering 4p in energy. He’s definitely got a hefty bill coming his way by the time he turns 18. All his dirty nappy changes will be taken into account and added to the invoice too.

Our newly-installed smart meters and monitor are the reason for my precise and rather geeky figures.

They were put in last week and enable us to calculate the cost of every second of electricity and gas use within the home.

The technology is superb and is already assisting us hugely in our endeavours to be more energy-efficient. But it’s also given us far too great an insight into how much money we’ve wasted over the years.

It transpires that not leaving your television on standby does make a difference and reduces your energy consumption after all.

I always thought it was a myth and just assumed my mum liked nagging.

Louie watched on curiously as he sat having his lunch in the kitchen while the installer completed his work.

Through the window he could see him tending to our gas meter in the front garden. He watched intently as Bill bobbed his head up and down every now and then.

The little man really didn’t seem that concerned that a random stranger was tampering with our meter.

In fact, at one point during his locked-on supervisory stare, he began waving, smiling and even laughing at him.

It made me question whether he’d do the same if burglars ever made it into our home. I’m hoping he’d be a little bit more questioning of them.

At the very least, I’d like to think that he wouldn’t start playing Lego bricks with them.

HE’S NOT NEARLY AS LIGHT AS HE USED TO BE

Open Farm Sunday would have been a more straightforward experience had the boy decided to use his own legs rather than relying on ours for the duration of the visit.

The free annual open day is held at farms across the country and we plumped for a trip to Westlands Farm in Shedfield.

It was an enjoyable couple of hours out with the rascal but, for whatever reason, he refused to walk throughout.

That in turn meant me carrying him, having foolishly neglected to take a pushchair with us.

On several occasions I was less than successful in my attempts to encourage him to power himself.

Each time I optimistically tried to put him down, it was like I was gradually lowering him into the jaws of a shark.

As soon as his feet were within one foot of the ground, he’d have a major meltdown and I had to raise him again. It was as if a whale was about to swallow him whole.

I’d have coped 15 months ago, but he’s not nearly as light as he used to be.

My muscles, or lack of, received a very decent workout.