Lairy letters and mad machines

It’s important the parade continues – but safely

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Call me old-fashioned dear, but I still prefer the old dog ’n’ bone (Cockney rhyming slang for phone).

You ring up, give the person on the other end information, they say ‘ta very much’. Sorted.

I don’t trust texts or e-mails, because unless the other person confirms, you don’t know they’ve received the message.

Then we’ve got the Royal Mail, which somehow misplaces so many items. As I found out last Friday.

In May I became eligible for my old age pension and no longer have to pay National Insurance contributions.

Apparently, I still owe £20.60. ‘Failure to pay will result in legal action’ I am warned.

What!!! Checking my bank statements, they’ve taken the June payment, which they’re not entitled to do.

Time for the divine double D dumplings to go to war.

The less-than-helpful HMRC bloke on the other end of the blower confirmed I owed the money.

Because the department informed everyone by letter that they were having a computer changeover and wouldn’t be taking direct debits.

Slight snag. I didn’t receive the letter.

Just a suggestion HMRC, When sending threatening ‘legal action’ letters, perhaps a sentence above to explain what they refer to?

So that little old biddies like me understand what’s going on and are not made to feel like a criminal.

Phone call number two. Trying to pay a bill with a debit card over the phone.

Oooh, I can feel readers muttering ‘nightmare!’

After repeating and repeating the correct information to the automated call machine, I eventually got through to a real person.

When I complained, his answer was: ‘Miss James, I’ll send you a booklet on how to deal with automated machines.’

Aaaghh! I don’t want a booklet. I just want to get through to pay my bill.

Doesn’t it drive you bonkers folks, all these lairy letters and bloomin’ machines?