LESLEY KEATING: Am I the only person who hates the January sales?

Michelle Obama
Michelle Obama
Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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Am I the only one who hates the January sales?

Despite being a self-confessed shopaholic, the idea of visiting the shops when the sales are in full swing fills me with dread.

I can’t understand why any rational person enjoys them.

I loathe the chaos, the unsellable old tat, the shelves and rails filled with things that were previously ignored by shoppers with any degree of taste.

And usually pristine shops morph into lurid jumble sales which appear to have been merchandised by five-year olds.

I don’t particularly want last year’s summer paraphernalia when it’s -1 degree outside.

And who actually buys those pink leopard print leggings, or shoes that look like they’ve come from a drag queen’s wardrobe anyway?

I look forward to the new stock coming into the shops. I like orderly, colour-coded rails designed for leisurely browsing, or shelves full of enticing items displayed to perfection.

I want to see beautiful or practical things I can decide on at my leisure Things that make my heart skip, not sink.

And I certainly don’t want to claw my way through something resembling the Pamplona bull run just to grab them.

I have friends who buy ahead for next Christmas. They’ll gaily snap up cards, wrapping paper and decorations at knock-down prices when the sales start.

But surely part of the fun is actually the pre-Christmas buying swirl and seeing what’s new and ‘of the moment’?

I did actually have a go at sales shopping last week.

My husband was with me and came back, smugly pleased with himself, armed with bags containing a new suit, two or three shirts and no fewer than three pairs of shoes!

I bought a mascara. Full price, of course. And that was my last-minute panic buy too!

So I’ve concluded I don’t really care what’s in the sales. It’s probably the wrong colour or season anyway.

The bottom line is if I didn’t buy it when it was full price, I’m pretty confident I won’t want it now just because it’s cheaper.

MICHELLE HAS LIVED HER LIFE IN THE SPOTLIGHT WITH INTEGRITY

Watching the dignified Michelle Obama, making her final speech as America’s outgoing First Lady was very moving.

It was heartfelt, eloquent, emotional and genuine, highlighting her passion for her country and her immense pride in having served it.

She has been nothing short of a fantastic role model, inspiring young people and becoming a champion of women everywhere.

She would have made a wonderful president.

America can be justly proud of Michelle Obama, who has lived her life in the spotlight these past years with grace and integrity.

Which brings me to Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, who is tipped to have a First Lady-style role. All I can say is she has very big shoes to fill…

APPROPRIATE? I THINK IT WAS AN UNDIGNIFIED END FOR CARRIE

Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher was interred in an urn shaped like a giant Prozac pill and Hollywood is saying how ‘appropriate’ this is.

Really? I can’t help thinking what an undignified end, A container that looks like an antidepressant capsule?

I understand this was a nod to her fight against mental illness, but surely there was so much more to her than that?

She’s not the first to have an unorthodox funeral.

Punk legend Malcolm McClaren’s coffin was scrawled with ‘too fast to live, too young to die’.

But it was a coffin, not a guitar case!

I can only hope that when my time comes, my family won’t despatch me in a big Quality Street tin because I once had a chocolate habit.