Light breeze was culprit, not an under-the-bed monster

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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In the bedroom a man can be an annoyance for a woman. Taking up too much of the bed, stealing the duvet and, worse still, snoring.

But at 4am in the morning, my wife was so happy I was right next to her.

You see, in our beautiful villa in the hills near Nice, the bedroom door swung open for no apparent reason.

The first I knew was the nudge taking me from my serene deep sleep, followed by an order to turn on the light and investigate.

Why would the door swing open? As it’s 26C at night here, the windows are left ajar and I thought a light breeze was the culprit – not the imagined monster for which I also had to do an under-the-bed check.