Lou: Tea for two? Not if you want oolong Darjeeling chai

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Do you ever get days when you don’t want to do the office tea round? You sneak into the kitchen without anyone noticing then inconspicuously wander back to your desk as if there wasn’t a steaming mug in your hand. This is because of fussy drinkers.

If you’re having tea, great. Coffee I can do. If I’m feeling generous I might even pop in sugar for you. But ‘only if there’s skimmed milk’ and ‘my teabags are the ones on the top shelf’ annoy me.

If you have special requirements do it yourself. I’m offering you a perfectly good cup of tea. There’s nothing wrong with it. If you’ll only drink oolong Darjeeling chai steeped for no less than two minutes, with soya milk and one sweetener stirred seven times clockwise, then forget it. Sorry. I’ve got work to do.