Maddening mobile term has given me a case of phone fury

Zella is taking the war on plastic into her own hands

ZELLA COMPTON: We don’t have time to wait for the government to take action on plastic

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They say people who take steroids can get angry as a side-effect.

It’s quite common knowledge that the term for this side-effect is ‘roid rage’.

However, a friend told me he got roid rage the other day, but it was nothing to do with steroids.

It was his anger over not being able to get his Android phone to work properly.

It now seems we have two definitions for the term, so when people refer to it, we’re not sure what they mean.

Ironically, that’s now making me really angry. So I’m now getting ‘roid rage rage’ about the fact we have two definitions for ‘roid rage’.

I’m thinking we should change the mobile definition to ‘Android anger’, what do you reckon?

I happened to be in a perfume shop yesterday and I spotted two well-known perfume brands for women, one is called Ghost and the other is called Alien.

Now, I’m no expert on how to attract a man, but could I suggest that wearing perfumes called either Ghost or Alien is more likely to scare them off than having them making a beeline for you.

They have to be the worst-named perfumes since someone came up with Tramp many years back!

So we have experienced the first truly warm couple of days of the year. Here are the top three things people do when this spell occurs:

1. Buy a large container of suntan lotion which will then last you for five years as this will end up being the only hot spell of 2014. 

2. Start moaning because your hay fever kicks in.

3. Finally turn your central heating off. You always leave it on to this point, even if the first hot spell of the year only arrives in July. It’s the law.

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