Men would rather get scalded than wear yellow rubber gloves

COMMENT: A mess as complex as negotiations for Brexit

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Washing-up gloves and oven gloves are set to soar in price under a European Union ruling that they need more rigorous testing to stop people being injured.

The thing that amazes me about washing-up gloves is that I don’t know anyone who uses them for washing-up anymore!

People either have dishwashers, or they just don’t bother.

Most men consider themselves far too manly to wear washing-up gloves. Even if the washing-up water has just been poured out of a boiling kettle, they’d rather suffer scalding all over their hands than suffer the trauma of being seen in bright yellow dinky rubber gloves.

The only time you’ll ever see a man wearing washing-up gloves is if he’s cleaning dog mess off his shoes, or if he’s carrying out some sort of painful home surgery on himself in a bid to avoid going to the hospital to have it done properly! Fact.

n Figures show that there has been a sharp rise in the numbers of young workers living below the breadline. 

The thing is that number actually trebles if it’s the ‘artisan’ breadline. If the breadline is made up from organic sun-dried tomato focaccia bread, then we’re all living below it, because that stuff is completely unaffordable.

n I was eating some Bernard Matthews turkey dinosaurs the other night and it struck me that they never actually label the dinosaurs in a pack of turkey dinosaurs.

These things are supposed to be for kids, but how are they meant to be educational if the kids don’t actually know what breed of dinosaur they’re tucking in to? The shapes of these things are pretty random anyway, but as I was tucking into one I didn’t know if I was eating a small T-Rex or a large velociraptor.

Come on turkey dinosaur makers, sort it out!