Mum moved in after dad died, can I ask her to leave? | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your problems.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who wants her mother to move out. Picture: PAFiona Caine gives advice to a woman who wants her mother to move out. Picture: PA
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who wants her mother to move out. Picture: PA

Question: My father died early last year and my mother was desperately upset and clearly struggling, so we suggested she could move in with us. I love my mother, but all she wants to do is sit around the house and talk.

My husband and I are both trying to hold down our jobs, working from home, and home-school our sons.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

My husband thinks I should just ask her to leave. I am going to have to suggest it to her – but I have no idea how to do this without hurting her feelings and that’s the last thing I want to do.

Answer: It can easily take years to come to terms with the death of a loved one, so your mother is probably still grieving.

You will need to be careful and tactful about how you move forward from here. Although it’s difficult for your family, I think, to ask her to move out now, while restrictions are so tight, would be a little unfair. Talk to her, in a positive way, about things she’s going to do when restrictions are eased a little further down the line.

I REALLY HATE MY MUM’S NEW BOYFRIEND

Question: A few months ago, my mum started seeing a man that I really don’t like. He makes my skin crawl. The way he’s tried to ingratiate himself with me and the rest of my family is almost vomit-inducing.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Mum’s on Zoom with him all the time and keeps wanting me to chat to him too – she seems really keen. She’s been on her own for a couple of years and I’m pleased she seems happy again, but I just wish it was with someone else as it feels like this man is spoiling the good relationship I have with her.

Should I tell her what I think?

Answer: I think you should be very wary of doing anything that might be seen as interference in this relationship. You say your mother seems happy, and if you sound off about this man, she might see this as an ultimatum.

Could you be certain that she’d choose you?

If, after lockdown, he becomes a more permanent feature in your mum’s life and you still can’t stand him, then you’ll have to find ways of seeing your mum when he’s not around.

Related topics: