We’ve had a lot of work carried out on the back of our house. Don’t move, improve they say – and we have.
We’ve had a lovely glass conservatory built and now have a patio to complement it.
Watching all the tradesman at work does make me slightly envious of their skills.
However, I felt that fitting an Ikea blackout blind in the window of my eight-month-old son’s bedroom should be within my capabilities.
But when you consider my track record, the outlook wasn’t promising.
My first attempt at DIY was back in 1990, where I made my own speaker stands out of wood and proceeded to attach them to the chimney breast of my bedroom wall with six-inch nails.
My parents subsequently banned me from any further such activity in their house.
I tried to fix the garage door on a house I rented in the 1990s. I managed to jam the mechanism which, it turns out, just needed a slight adjustment.
The door had become stuck in the open position. I needed a bigger screwdriver, but sadly someone stole my mountain bike whilst I was out buying one at the hardware store.
Even a garden shed didn’t escape my incompetence. After spending two days putting the damn thing up, the felt roofing blew off and the side window fell out when the wind got up.
As you may well know, Ikea instructions come without written direction, just a series of animations.
The blind in question turned out to be slightly wider than the window, but the instructions showed that I could cut the material back and trim the retaining bars with a hacksaw.
I do not own a hacksaw, so used a bread knife from the kitchen. This eventually did the trick.
By a fraction of a centimetre, the blind still didn’t quite fit, but my impatience won the day and a bash with a hammer clicked the blind home.
But sadly the blind won’t spring back to the top when unrolled, as it’s supposed to.
I’ve decided to leave the room in darkness and let my wife sort it out later. At least I tried!