My bum’s getting smaller and my bingo wings are toning up

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I need to get my bum into shape, so I’ve enlisted the help of personal fitness trainer Tristam Murdoch.

I’ve had other personal trainers. I’ve been to every ‘fat club’ on the south coast and have had a membership to pretty much every gym.

But Tristam takes getting my body into shape as a personal goal of his and I’ve never worked harder in my life.

The other gym-goers at Fitness First in Fratton where we train look at me with sympathy as I pant on the treadmill, barely able to breathe.

But it’s working. My bum (which needs a lot of work) is getting smaller and my bingo wings are starting to tone up and it’s only been two weeks.

The masterplan to look and feel better in my 30s than my 20s is on track.