My English stiff upper lip fails as dreaded ‘snuffles’ drag me down

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I’ve had days and days of befuddlement. At one point I was so confused, I didn’t realise whether my mouth was open or shut as I coughed and choked.

Titter ye not, folks.

And then I bit so hard on my tongue, which was obviously trying to escape at the time, that big blood blobs appeared.

And although I was aware I was alternating between screaming and crying, my poor flu-addled little grey cells just couldn’t get the message through – ‘stop biting stupid’.


I’m in the third week of this winter season’s ‘cold-flu -bronchial-viral infection ‘, or whatever the medical profession wants to label it.

Folks, I wouldn’t normally make a fuss over having the snuffles, but I’ve been so unbelievably ill, as have numerous people I’ve

spoken to.

Most of my pals, both men and women, are of the old school when it comes to colds.

It’s a case of feed a cold, starve a fever and wrap up warm to try and ‘sweat’ the cold out by doing physical jobs.

We’re British, stiff upper-lipped and all that and no common cold is going to beat us, dear.

Well this nasty little super bronchial bug is doing a good job of knocking us for six, I can tell you.

So here’s some advice from Dr James that may or may not help, but could save you from endless days of going gogglebox gaga while feeling grotty.

Don’t ignore the first sneezy symptoms like I did for a week. Start taking your cold pills and fluids.

And finally....

As you know folks, I just can’t resist headlines like, ‘just discovered’, ‘ recent research’, or a ‘ study concludes’.

So when I read ‘it’s a scientific fact – ladies do look better in heels’, I muttered ‘really!’

Apparently heels change the way the body moves to emphasise femininity and women wearing high heels were rated more attractive than their flat-shoed counterparts.

What bright spark scientist/researcher has

just ‘discovered’ what women have known for years?

Apparently it’s someone at the University of Portsmouth, that’s who! Haven’t you lot got anything better to do?