My new TV is small, but stuff that goes with it is bigger

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In this brave new world of ours, where everything is shrinking and seemingly becoming smarter, I have an objection.

Although tellies are getting much thinner, they’re getting bigger and bigger. Buying a compact screen these days is hard.

Surely not everyone wants a giant TV stuck on their wall? One, I hate adding brackets to crumbling plaster (which is why I’m a woman of very few shelves). Two, what if you want to move the furniture around and the TV’s in the wrong place?

And three, well, there’s something quite sinister about an electronic device that has so much control over you that it dictates the seating arrangements.

After bending my knees and thinking strong thoughts, I threw out the old telly that was squatting in my study. I call the room a study to make me sound more glamorous. It’s actually a spare room and general dumping ground for everything in the house that no-one quite wants to get rid of but doesn’t know what to do with.

As the study is so busy, I need a small telly. For evening viewing tucked in between two old seaman’s trunks when everyone else is watching National Lampoon’s Vacation or similar downstairs and I fancy something from this side of the millennium.

So where can I get a small telly? Firstly, there are very few on the market. Secondly, I’m a bit thick. Thirdly, I didn’t really want to do any research as sometimes I like to live in the moment.

These factors led me down a dark path to a TV which, along with incidentals like an aerial, a Wi-Fi boost and a Now TV box, came home with me.

But here’s the thing. Small tellies with thin girths mean the speakers don’t speak. Although my picture was high-def, the sound was low.

As I turned it up above a whisper, the thickness of it all assaulted my inner drums. Awful.

Apparently all small televisions suffer from the same fate, but a sound bar can be bought to rectify the situation.

So I managed to get a small telly, but the stuff I need to make it work with any success has got bigger.

Oh, the irony.