Not a fan of rumbles in the jungle

Can someone please explain to me why these so-called relaxation CDs often include rainforest sounds?

Saturday, 23rd January 2016, 6:00 am
Steve reckons Amazonian tribesmen are the key audience for rainforest sound CDs

What’s so relaxing about being in a rainforest? Rainforests are full of deadly spiders, carnivorous beasts and poisonous plants.

As far as I can see the only people who might want one of these CDs is a tribesman from the Amazon rainforest who has been away from it for a while. And I’m guessing that they are not likely to own a CD player, so what’s the point of them at all?

n Does anyone actually care what their birthstone is any more? We all know what our star sign is, but it’s like the birthstone has just become forgotten. So, here’s my idea for bringing it back in fashion.

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You know how we sometimes play the ‘rock, paper, scissors’ game? Well, my suggestion is that we change the name of the game to ‘birthstone, paper, scissors’, with your own birthstone replacing the rock. So, if you’re born in January it would be ‘garnet, paper, scissors’, and so on…

n A study has found that UK households are four degrees warmer now than they were in 1970. Now is it just me or does anyone else think that this has nothing to do with global warming or improved insulation?

I reckon it’s down to two things. Firstly, the rooms in our homes are smaller these days, so they’re easier to heat. And secondly, we’re much bigger so we heat the rooms much quicker. Therefore can people please stop going on about how bad obesity is for us. It’s saving us a fortune in home heating bills!

n How late does it have to be in January before a new year resolution becomes something you plan to do over the course of the next 12 months? There ought to be an official date set, surely?