Not the break I was hoping for

Andy Gray and Richard Keys.
Andy Gray and Richard Keys.
A fixed-odds gambling machine Picture: Daniel Hambury/PA Wire

NEWS COMMENT: A move in the right direction but still not a win for all

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Folks, according to my astrological forecast I’m an Aries. That means 2011 is going to be an outstandingly glorious year.

In Chinese astrology. it’s the Year of the Rabbit and I’m a bit of a fluffy bobtail, dear.

I’m a numerologist, so I know that on my birthday in April, I go into a year eight, a year with the potential of achieving hopes, wishes and dreams.

Then why was I yelling at the universe this week to back off and give me a break?

They say be careful what you wish for. Well, I got my ‘break’.

On top of my ‘joys of growing old’ list of ailments, I’ve broken my toe, plus the third microwave in seven years.

So I hobbled off to get a new microwave, not a budget-priced one this time but a shiny, black brand name one.

It wasn’t until I dragged it up four flights of stairs (there’s no lift where I live) and unpacked it that I realised the door was mirror-finished and a nightmare for fingerprints. Grrrrr.

So, I know you’re wondering, how did I break my toe?

Well, I was leaping around my bijou bedsit and bog, dancing and singing to a bit of Shakira when I tripped up (no maribou-trimmed mules on, you see) and crashed straight into the coffee table.

My poor little toes went either side of one of the table legs and one got busted. Agony, I can tell you.

I’ve had to rest my foot most days, so I’ve been catching up on a pile of newspapers.

They included all the coverage of Andy Gray and Richard Keys and the Sky Sports sexism affair.

I got to wondering if that will act as a warning to other misogynistic men, who keep their minds zipped in their trousers and don’t connect their brains before they operate their sexist gobs.

No, I don’t think it will. I do love you fellas, but some men are just Neanderthal numbnuts.

They think it makes them look big to put down a woman. Well, ladies, you need a black belt in ‘tongue-fu’ and verbally kick back.

Measure the size of your critic – they’re usually very small.