Online lover stood me up - Relationship advice

Fiona Caine – a trained columnist and counsellor – gives relationship advice

By Fiona Caine
Friday, 31st May 2019, 3:53 pm
Updated Monday, 3rd June 2019, 5:05 pm
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman whose online boyfriend stood her up.

Over the past six months I have got to know a guy well through an online gaming platform. We like the same things and have the same quirky sense of humour. Our online messages became more and more personal until one day he said he loved me and wanted to meet up.

We had a great day out together and arranged to meet up the following day, but he didn't show up. He's also stopped taking my calls and taken down his game site profile. It really hurts. 

I imagine you'd both built an image in your mind of what the other looked like and sadly the reality didn't match; not necessarily better or worse, just different. Try not to take this personally, I know it hurts but that's the risk inherent in chat-only relationships. 

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I suspect he was embarrassed by his declaration of love and simply didn't know how best to break things off kindly. Please don't let this knock your self-esteem; you are right for somebody, just not this guy.

My parents separated two months ago. My dad had been having an affair for five years and when my mother found out, he simply walked out. It was a complete shock. 

He's now living with this other woman. My problem is my mum, who for some reason wants to take it out on us. Whenever I contact her, she has a go at me for not calling her often enough  completely forgetting that I had actually called her to talk!

Please try to be patient and understanding for a bit longer. Some people take years to get over a betrayal like this. It's a huge emotional blow and the fact that your father simply walked away, rather than try for a reconciliation or even apologise, can only have made it harder. 

I am sure she is still hurting and perhaps feels the need to offload some of this at times. Perhaps she feels that the safest way she can do this is through people that she loves.

I know this must seem unfair but please try not to blame her too much.