Open-mouthed at husband claiming bras are pointless

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CLIVE SMITH: More people in Portsmouth simply means even more problems

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After 17 years of marriage, I’m amazed my husband still has the power to surprise me.

I know most of his habits – which I won’t embarrass him with here – and I know the way he thinks on topics, the likelihood of certain patterns of behaviour and the alcohol threshold at which those change.

But when he declared the other day that there was no point in me wearing a bra, I was rather surprised.

It took me a few moments to consider his viewpoint. Could it mean that he regarded me as so young and perky that a bra is redundant?

Or was it that, however uplifting the bra, there is no redemption to be had after all these years? Delightful or drooping? Could I bear to ask the question and, worse, hear the answer?

And once we went down that route of conversation, where oh where would it end up? After all, we are the original tit-for-tat couple (for example, who is worse at cleaning sinks and so on and so forth).

Perhaps it was that he wanted to view me in a natural light. After all, as actress Helen McCrory recently declared, women these days are more predatory and cougar-esque in their 40s because they have better bodies.

But that’s not likely in my case as we both know I’m more rhino than cougar.

In the end I voiced no hypothetical reasons as to why I should let it all hang out – sort of. Instead I sat there open-mouthed that my husband would start a conversation with such a statement.

My gob-smackedness and its potential ramifications of verbal lashings caused him to backtrack at speed. He informed me that he’d read an article reporting a French professor had, after 15 years of study, found no evidence of the usefulness or need for bras.

The conversation ended with one question from me. I bet you can guess what it was.

‘Is the professor a man?’ I asked.

In fairness to my husband, he did look suitably sheepish as he admitted he’d only read the first paragraph and that perhaps he should have given it full consideration prior to recommending throwing out the undergarments.

Just try going for a run when you’ve got boobs. End of story.