Out with chocolate Hobnobs and in with the carrot sticks

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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These days there’s plenty of pressure on us men to look good.

When you see those ghastly pictures of David Beckham in his pants, it just ramps up that pressure even further.

In August the whole family are off on a summer holiday to the south of France. We’ve booked a villa for two weeks and there will be a grand total of 11 adults and four children.

What I don’t want is my brother-in-laws laughing at my ‘moobs’, so something drastic has to happen between now and then.

There’s so much advice out there on what to eat and what is the right type of exercise to take. Things that work, things that don’t.

After every summer holiday I put on a little bit of weight, but I don’t seem to lose it when I return. So slowly that weight has been creeping up.

Regular running and racketball only help to maintain things, so where am I going wrong?

I read this week that you should only drink one glass of fruit juice a day due to all the natural sugars.

Apparently one banana has the equivalent of seven teaspoons of sugar!

You can see why we’re getting fatter and fatter as a nation.

Even the things we think are good for us are actually making us pile on the pounds.

Cut out bread, eat protein between 3pm and 4pm, don’t eat three hours before you go to sleep, eat breakfast, skip breakfast…aaagghhhh!

As a lover of food, I need to get out of the habit of treating myself every day.

By that I mean a couple of biscuits at work with a cup of tea, a slice of cake if someone brings one in.

I suppose I’ve got used to the treats and this has become my enemy.

Couple this with my new-found love of ale, the French may think Moby Dick has washed up on the Riviera.

So it’s out with the chocolate Hobnobs and in with the carrot sticks, water instead of juice and steamed chicken instead of pies.

Anything to stop my brother-in-laws singing Moobs Like Jagger to the Maroon 5 hit when I’m twisting by the pool in the sunshine!