Petrol panic will go on and on – like Ronnie Corbett

It’s important the parade continues – but safely

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So, who has filled their tank then?

I can’t believe the furore about the impending petrol crisis, and wonder exactly who it is that has been causing the queues in the forecourts, as everyone I know denies that they have been involved. It seems that I have uber-pragmatic family and friends.

But garages have been full, and as I didn’t actually need fuel, it has taken all my resolve not to get in line.

There is something so compelling about a queue when you know there’s a crisis in the offing though, isn’t there?

My hands were itching to flip on the indicator, swing a left and join-in with sedate patience, even though I know I didn’t need it – yet. It’s that herding instinct which we all have buried deep inside of us.

Partly: ‘They must know something that I don’t know’. Even though we’re all probably listening to the same radio station which is quite clearly saying there will be no strike over Easter, and partly not wanting to get left behind.

But if you do give into panic petrolling and fill to the brim, surely that’s an issue in itself to have a full tank so far in advance?

Do you have to employ self-rationing, striking off some journeys as a frivolous waste of petrol (good thing too), keeping that needle hovering at the full symbol until the dreaded strike is over?

Or do you employ a wastrel attitude with that full tank, and gamble that you’re good to go – for everything? It must be a nightmare to be in that situation.

And guess what all those smuggers with their full tanks will be doing later this week, just when the garages start to recover their distribution systems? They’ll be back again, panic buying more. It’ll go on and on and on like one of Ronnie Corbett’s jokes. Painful.

Maybe the solution is for the garages to dictate expenditure like they did last time – £10 each of petrol until everything’s back on track.

But, oh no, wait, these days that’ll simply cover the cost of sticking the nozzle into the petrol hole.

Okay, I have it. Let’s shut down petrol stations and everybody can walk, bus, train or cycle except for the emergency services. And, we’ll all get thin and healthy as a bonus. Brilliant.