Portrait is not very flattering

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We’ve just had some family portrait photos back and they look like posters for the circus.

There are only four of us in our family, but there isn’t one single snap that makes us look normal.

In every picture one of us is either pulling a slightly constipated pose, looking the wrong way or gauping at the camera lens like one of Britain’s Most Wanted.

I don’t think we’re a particularly ugly bunch. It’s just that for some reason we haven’t got a clue how to pose concurrently.

How can it be that lots of families have these wonderful portraits on their walls – the whole family looking fresh-faced with Hollywood smiles and co-ordinated clothing?

You walk into their lounges and see these pictures on canvas and think, wow what a beautiful family.

In our case, friends walk in and comment on the toddler who has the unnerving stare of Reggie Kray and the bald bloke in the background who could have walk-on parts in Crimewatch reconstructions.