Primark’s escalator was bundles of fun for Louis – Kieran Howard

Toddlers can be easily occupied on escalators, says Kieran Howard.
Toddlers can be easily occupied on escalators, says Kieran Howard.

Louie’s working on a follow-up to Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. He’s already got a name lined up for it too, if our recent trip to Winchester is anything to go by.

Although still very much in the draft stage, he’s likely to go  for ‘Louie and the Slightly Less Than Great Primark Escalator’.

It’s either that or ‘Louie and the Primark Escalator Which is the Only Highlight When on a Visit to the Aforementioned Store’. 

He’s figured the latter may be a bit too wordy though and not snappy enough for when they make the film adaptation.

Honestly, I’ve never seen a kid as happy as him when he was repeatedly ascending and descending what is, essentially, just a moving staircase. 

As far as he was concerned, it may as well have been that famous glass elevator into space. It was just as much fun. 

Admittedly, it was quite fun for me too but I obviously had to pretend that I wasn’t enjoying it. 

I guess those aged 35 shouldn’t be misusing functionary escalators with the sole purpose of having a laugh.

Instead, I just had to maintain that I was simply there to ensure my toddler didn’t end up being sucked into it particularly as he had his reins on at the time. 

I’m certain he’d have happily spent the duration of our 20-minute stay there doing nothing more than going up and down it.

If I’m absolutely honest, and Kerrie hadn't beckoned us over as we made landfall at the top, I’d have probably let him.

You see 20 seconds at a time tends to be more than enough for me in that place – let alone 20 minutes.

Mind you, it doesn’t resemble a jumble sale quite as much these days so I can’t complain too much. 

And I did come away with some new jeans and socks too, so I guess it wasn’t all bad. 

We visited Winchester to visit Kerrie’s workplace and show off Lennie to her colleagues. 

I say show off because a new baby is very similar to a trophy in sport.

You have to go and present them to people so they can then hold them and have photos taken with them.

And much like when the FA Cup is handed over to the winners’ captain, you sometimes have to remind the recipient not to drop it.

So protective are you of your new creation, that it’s actually tempting to take along a replica when introducing people.

With Lennie already three-months-old by the time we eventually called in, we were long overdue the ritual. 

But I’m very pleased to report nobody dropped him.