The Queen should hit back and wear a unicorn onesie next year '“ Clive Smith

Well that's Christmas done for another year and I don't remember asking Father Christmas for a double chin, but there we go.

Friday, 28th December 2018, 2:49 pm
Updated Thursday, 10th January 2019, 11:08 am
Next year, might she play God Save The Queen on that piano? One hopes so.

I'm at that time of year where I tell myself eating a chocolate orange for breakfast is OK because it's one of my five-a-day. 

Nothing else seems to goes on apart from walking from one bit of food to an other. 

And while a lot of things stop for a couple of days during Christmas, it appears people still need to be outraged about something.

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Plenty were fuming with the Queen after she urged the nation to overcome '˜deeply held differences' while sitting in front of a gold piano. I can't wait until they find out she has a palace or two too.

As a year 2018 seemed to comprise  just one moral outrage after another.

 Will 2019 be any different? We can only hope. But if not, what on earth will  I have to write about?

Personally, I thought it was top trolling by her majesty.

  Next year she should go one better and close out the speech by tinkling the ivories a little tune . I'm thinking God Save the Queen. Now t hat would be the best moment in television history.

Come on though, she's the Queen for God's sake.

 If she wants a gold piano she can have one.  She's not going to have a Chad Valley toy piano from Argos is she?

  Were people expecting her to do the speech from a high rise flat in Hackney just so she can be '˜more in touch' with her subjects?

 Perhaps next year she should tone it down a little and wear a unicorn onesie.

Actually, I don't think people were mad because of that  gold piano, they were just mad because they don't have one themselves  .

I wouldn't mind one to be honest but Santa failed to bring me  any gold bits of furniture this year or anything extravagant at all.

  I got a flag from the kids to take to the football on away days. I'm thinking of putting  it on a pole in the back garden and have them    and the missus sing my own anthem as I raise it  every morning. '‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹Â 


The most bizarre story of 2018. Period.

There were plenty of ridiculous stories in 2018, so it was fitting to see out the year with the most ludicrous of them all '“ a school in Brighton telling its pupils boys can have periods.

Well, I'm a 40-year-old man and I'm still awaiting my first. I'd better get to the doctor to find out what's going on.

Apparently, it will help tackle the stigma surrounding menstruation. No it won't. It will just make kids confused. If, genetically, you're a woman you'll have periods. If, genetically, you're a man, you won't. Simples.

If, after that, you want to identify as male, female, trans, Father Christmas or Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer it's a separate issue.'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹


Forget the busking Bono, just give money'¦Â anonymously'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹

I saw Bono was out busking for the homeless in Dublin on Christmas Eve. Haven't the homeless suffered enough? 

He never misses an opportunity for a bit of self-promotion.

Another multi-millionaire asking people who haven't got much to give to other people who have very little, when he could just dip into his own vast wealth and do more than everyone combined who threw a few quid in his guitar case.

It's like people who take a picture of themselves buying a Happy Meal for a tramp and then post it on social media. There was loads of it going on before Christmas.

Yes, it's a kind thing to do, but you're not feeding the homeless, just your own ego.'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹'‹