Rage against these sickly sweet machines of doom

Inquisitor: John Humphrys

ZELLA COMPTON: Why does John Humphrys still have a national platform?

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As a married man with two children, my only real vice in life is food. I love it.

From a crisp juicy apple straight from the tree, to a giant burger dripping in all sorts of man-made badness, I’m a sucker for it.

But food as we know it, is going through a Frankenstein-esque revolution. And it’s equally scary.

The first food-safe 3D printers are soon to go on sale in the United States and they will slowly change the way we eat and purchase our food.

The first printers to go on sale will be used primarily to make chocolate and sweets.

Rather than using ink (like your standard device), the machine is loaded with sugar and additives.

Then, slowly, layer by layer starts to build your confectionery treat.

The first will be thinner than paper, but by adding thousands of layers, the food starts to take shape and, before you know it, hey presto, you’ve a chocolate egg plopping out of your printer.

At the moment the technology only lends itself to sugar-based foods,.

However, the white-coated funsters are already developing printers that can produce all manner of scoff.

So what does this mean for us, the end consumer?

With a flick of your mouse, you can direct your machine to start manufacturing food in your house – no need for recipes, knowledge or understanding. Just click and eat.

The first 3D food printers cost a fortune, about the same amount as it would cost for a gastric band – £3,000-£6,000.

But as technology marches house-to-house, contaminating our neighbourhoods, it’ll get cheaper by the week.

By 2020 there’s a good chance your food printer will be lined up beside your microwave.

An associate and I were talking about the whole concept and he was quivering about the idea.

He exclaimed: ‘It’ll be great, you won’t even have to leave your house.’

Because that’s exactly what society needs.

Billions of blobs languishing on their sofas, shovelling home tons of manufactured junk.