She couldn't understand why I hadn't waited for her help

My wife is always complaining about having a bad night’s sleep, so I tried to help her.

I heard somebody talking about the importance of turning your mattresses over. Apparently this should be done every six months.

I realised our mattress had never been turned, so whilst my wife was out walking the dog I decided to do it to hopefully improve the quality of her sleep.

Unfortunately I had underestimated the size and weight of a king-size and, whilst in the process of turning it, I lost my grip and it crashed down on top of my wife’s home-made bedside lamp, smashing it to smithereens. Shards of glass went everywhere.

When my wife returned from dog-walking, I explained my problem and apologised for my clumsy behaviour.

She was angry, but not as furious as I suspected she might be. She just couldn’t understand why I hadn’t waited for her help.

Lou: Kids are particularly bad at wanting to help out, but in reality make things a lot worse.

I remember playing with my sister in the bath when we were little. We thought we were helping mum out by slathering the bath with soap and scrubbing it off with our flannels – but really we were leaving a lovely layer of soap scum which mum had to clean off once we’d got out and gone to bed.

We also used to help our parents at work during the holidays. They were property developers and so we would often get dragged to whichever house they were doing up at the time.

We’d take loads of toys, but soon get bored and want to help.

I remember once being given a tub of paint and some brushes. We were allowed to paint the bottom half of the room, then the plan was mum would come along and do the rest later.

We interpreted this as being allowed to paint pictures on the walls, so set to painting fish, flowers, and God knows what else. When poor mum came to finish off the top half of the walls, she ended up having to do the whole room from scratch!

WATER METHOD IS BY FAR THE EASIEST AND QUIETEST

We’ve not had too many frosty mornings this winter, but this last week has been a bit of a shock to the system.

People everywhere have been late to work every day this week due to having to clear their windscreens (something we’d totally forgotten we might need to do).

There are many ways of de-frosting a car windscreen, from scraping with a credit card to simply sitting and waiting for the car heater to do its magic.

I’ve been trying to convince Jez that the water method is by far the easiest way to get the job done. Just pour a bottle or jug over the ice to melt it. But he won’t have it.

It’s also quiet, which helps when you get up as early as I do and don’t want to wake the neighbours!

SO DO YOU FANCY A BANANA AND CONDENSED CREAM TOASTIE?

Last weekend we were invited round to a neighbour’s house for tea and cake on Saturday afternoon.

Whilst sampling the fresh home-made Victoria sponge and scones, I was impressed to discover they had just purchased a new toasted sandwich machine.

These were really popular in the late 1970s, but are enjoying a new lease of life.

The latest machines even allow thick slices of bread to be used, creating massive doorstep-sized toasties.

The machine also came with a sandwich filling recipe book and I was impressed with the baked beans, diced bacon, chilli and grated cheese filling.

The booklet even suggests making toasted sandwich puddings, such as banana and condensed cream. Apparently it tastes a bit like a doughnut.