She had a bad hair day at club

Verity Lush has realised that she's gradually turning into her mother

VERITY LUSH: I’ve reached the age at which I wear thermal undergarments when it’s cold

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I pinched ‘totes amazeballs’ (totally amazing), from ITV2’s The Only Way is Essex, where Essex 20-somethings live glamorous and sexy lifestyles.

So I thought I’d give you a festive giggle.

When I worked in The Jokers nightclub, Southsea, as a bar hostess in the 1970s, we had to wear long frocks and false hairpieces.

I used to tell punters my ‘hair’ was a wig, but my colleague would fib and say her ‘hair’ was real.

How vain dear!

On a busy Christmas evening, as I swished round, my ‘ hair’ caught into her ‘hair’. I carried on swishing and, oops, her ‘hair’ came off and was hanging off mine.

There she was , with an ‘Ena Sharples’ net over her hair, screaming ‘Johnny, Johnny’, (Johnny Gordon, ex Pompey player, was our boss), she’s done it on purpose .’

Quelle, moi? Nah!