She’s not taking me because I poured scorn on the book

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The waiting is almost over as 50 Shades Of Grey is finally about to hit our cinema screens this weekend.

My wife, Sarah, has already booked her tickets and guess what? She’s not going to take me!

I think it might be because I poured scorn on the book when she first read it.

At the end of the day, it’s a love story, she told me.

So is this why B&Q has warned staff to expect big business in rope and duct tape then?

Not exactly the height of romance, is it?

I asked her why so many women get carried away with this trilogy of books and why there isn’t such a thing aimed at a male audience.

Sarah said something about the art of seduction – and then switched the telly over to Babestation for me.