STEVE POWER: AGHHH! Another ‘to-do’ list

When men are left on their own in the house, they dont want to be treated like five-year-olds
When men are left on their own in the house, they dont want to be treated like five-year-olds
Lesley says you can keep the white stuff, thank you! 
Picture: Owen Humphreys/PA Wire

LESLEY KEATING: It was almost perfect until cable firm scuppered it

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Most of us want to be treated like 14 or 15-year-olds thanks very much, i.e. given minimum responsibility and some money for food and drink!

o Something that concerns me… You know when you have to fill in a form and there’s a blank page which says ‘this page has been intentionally left blank’ at the top? Not that I’m paranoid, but I want to know what they’re leaving it blank for?

Are they going to be writing down all sorts of stuff about us that they don’t want us to see once we send the form back? Or are they just too scared to admit that they love wasting paper? Which is it? I’m just dying to know.

o An annoying etiquette question; why is it that when people want to leave someone’s house or get away from their company, they always look at a clock and say something like: ‘Oh, is that the time? I really must be going.’ I’ve decided how to put a stop to this. I’m going to put a big clock in my house and have it deliberately one hour fast. That way whenever a guest who wants to leave looks at it and says: ‘Oh, is that the time?’ I can say: ‘No, it’s not the time.

It’s one hour earlier than that actually. So you can stay here in my company for another hour, no matter how boring I am.’ That should work.

o A little restaurant query for you. Do you ever feel a bit uneasy if you go to a slightly trendy restaurant and they serve you a meal on what’s basically a piece of slate? I know it’s meant to look different and stylish, but I’m still not sure about it. I mean at the end of the day, it’s like you’re eating your dinner off of a roof tile.

What next? Are they going to serve you food on squares of lino or carpet tiles?