Why does dropping your plastic body-wash container in the shower always sound so incredibly loud?
It’s only plastic, and there’s not much stuff in it, but if you drop it while showering it’s like you’ve dropped an anvil.
And why is it impossible to look dignified while scrabbling around on the floor trying to pick it up while the shower is on?
n My mate showed me this advert he saw online for a shelving unit.
But they couldn’t call it that, because clearly shelving unit sounds too basic.
So instead the advert described the product as this: ‘A promotional wooden shoe book stand holder organiser storage rack shelf tidy unit.’ I can’t believe that name wasn’t shelved, ironically.
n People are said to be angry that Easter eggs are already on sale in supermarkets with Good Friday around three months away.
However, I think it’s a really good idea. If you buy them now, you’ll already be so sick of eating Christmas chocolate that you won’t be tempted to eat them straight away anyway, leaving you to diet in peace.
n There are always questions I need answering if I’m going somewhere posh. Here are four I’d like to know the answer to:
1. If you have a slight cold, how many times are you allowed to sniff in polite company before blowing your nose?
2. If waiters are circling with trays of champagne glasses, for how long are you allowed to follow them around, taking glasses off of them at regular intervals?
3. How many times can you call the waiter ‘Oi!’ before you start using the term ‘excuse me’ instead?
4. After how many courses at a posh dinner can you undo the top button of your trousers? Any ideas?