Has this ever happened to anyone else?
It’s early in the morning and you’re woken up by your alarm.
By the time you finally switch your alarm off you’re deaf, sweating all over and stressed like you never thought you could be after a night in bed
But, because you sleep on your side, you’ve been laying on the arm you would reach over to switch your alarm off with and it has lost all feeling.
You try to move it to turn the alarm off, but it’s all limp so you have to wait at least 40 seconds for the feeling to come back.
So, by the time you finally switch your alarm off you’re deaf, sweating all over and stressed like you never thought you could be after a night in bed.
What I’m saying is can someone please invent a device that stops people falling asleep on their good arms. Thank you.
n I’ve discovered a flavour of crisps which has got to be the poshest ever invented.
If you thought ‘mature cheddar and chive’ was posh – no way. And if you thought ‘sea salt & cider vinegar’ was posh – not a chance.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the poshest genuine flavour of crisps that has been developed for this festive season: ‘Winter berries and prosecco hand-cooked crisps’. Yes they exist, but don’t ask me what they taste like because I’m too common to be allowed to eat them, obviously.
n Why do so many places selling food seem to think that their meal deal is so great? In every place I see them advertised it’s always a sandwich, crisps and a drink for about £3.50.
Can I just point out to these shops that a starter, a main course and a dessert is a meal, whereas a sandwich, some crisps and a drink isn’t. It’s just a snack.
So, if you want to offer me a great value meal deal, include garlic mushrooms to start, fillet steak and chips and a sticky toffee pudding for afters.
Offer me all that for £3.50 and then I might take you up on it.
n A new report has criticised the sweetened Christmas drinks you can get at the major high street coffee shops for the large amounts of sugar and calories that they contain, and for not pointing this out to us when we buy them.
These include the ‘caramel fudge hot chocolate Massimo’, the ‘sticky toffee latte Massimo’ and the ‘honey and almond hot chocolate’.
However, in my mind do they really need to tell us that these drinks contain loads of sugar and are filled to the brim with calories?
Surely if something’s called a ‘caramel fudge hot chocolate Massimo’ one can make an educated guess can’t one?