The gloves are off! OPINION

Alun desperately wants to stop his daughter punching things...
Alun desperately wants to stop his daughter punching things...
Share this article

For several years now, I have been trying to put my daughter off the idea of boxing. It’s not that she wants to punch people in the face, just that she’s always wanted to train to box, punch bags, wear gloves, do jabs etc...

Keen parents might run at this with enthusiasm and attach themselves to the idea that it must be good because it involves fitness.

However, I’ve made a similar mistake with every musical instrument under the sun and the minute I invest, enthusiasm seems to dramatically wane.

Subsequently, I then become the entertainment/new-learning police and I find that role exhausting.

Another reason for my reluctance, is the drilling and installing of a punch bag bracket into the wall of the garage and my success rate with fixings is already pretty poor. 

Finally, I decided to buckle, not before getting my daughter to accrue tokens for every time she goes on the rowing machine.

She needs different amounts of tokens to gain different pieces of boxing kit.

This is not an easy incentive scheme to design, as the bar needs to be high enough to demonstrate desire and low enough to be achievable.

I hoped, of course, for failure and was once again let down by my daughter’s tenacity and drive.

Over the following weeks, her commitment bore fruit and within a short period of time she had hit target one, boxing gloves.

The fundamental flaw in my plan is that she now wanders around the house wearing boxing gloves and wanting things to punch.

After 10 minutes of holding up sofa cushions, I’m bored and she’s moved onto walls, beds, pillows, her brother and other household items I’d rather weren’t being clobbered.

She needs a bag and practice pads, but that’s still a way off.

I set up an old mattress as an interim measure, but that’s gone to be recycled and we’re back to square one.

The whole family is fed up of either being punched or being asked to ‘hold up your hands so I can hit them’.

It hurts and I’d like this to stop.

We finally capitulated and sign her up to a boxing club at the weekends.

What have I learned from this experience?

It is far better to simply front up the cash, don’t be a tight arse and believe in your children.

If you throw enough darts you’ll hit a bullseye. 

Which reminds me, no-one’s used the dart board in the garage since everyone begged for one 10 years ago for Christmas. 

The windows need opening 

My co-host Lou has embarked on a new lifestyle choice, in a bid to shed a couple of pounds (not needed).

The diet (it is really) involves only eating in certain time windows. This sounds straightforward but actually the windows often fall when it’s impossible to eat because we’re on the radio. Alongside

this, the producer is also on a diet which is similar in the way it operates, however, his time windows are different to Lou’s. Why should I care? 

Whenever we get together, mainly breakfast and lunch, I’m the only one eating.

I sit with my food while two starving people gaze on and narrate about how much they wish they could eat and what they would have if their ‘window’ was open.

This is quite off-putting and has left me wondering whether I should adjust my ‘window’ to at least coincide with one of theirs.

However, there’s news just in. For the next few weeks our windows of eating will be perfectly synced to the hours of 9am to 5pm.

This truly will be groundbreaking as for the first time three grown adults can eat together, during daylight and at meal times.

This is the modern age of consumption.

Next someone will say, ‘why not simply eat less?’, but that’s madness and will never catch on.