The great wine buff bluff – how we pretend to know our grapes

Well, it's definitely wine!
Well, it's definitely wine!
Inquisitor: John Humphrys

ZELLA COMPTON: Why does John Humphrys still have a national platform?

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One in seven of us are ‘wine bluffers’ and make out we know more than we do, especially in a restaurant.

In the 18-25 category it’s even worse with one in four making out they’re wine experts.

Some people think Merlin is a type of grape (it’s merlot) and one diner who requested wine in a smart restaurant was told by the waiter the sommelier would come to his table.

When he arrived, the diner promptly told him not to worry about the wine because ‘the waiter is already getting me a bottle of some mellyeh’.

Speaking of the tendency to big things up, I saw a toaster the other day that was described on the box as a ‘multi-function toaster’.

It was called this because it toasted frozen and normal bread and reheated toast that had gone cold.

But to me, all of those things are just toasting aren’t they?

A multi-function toaster would be one that toasted bread, and then could also be used to carry shopping or bang in nails.

It’s like calling me a multi-function DJ, because I play downloaded tracks, CDs and vinyl.

It’s all the same thing!

Don’t call yourself a multi-function toaster if you just make toast. It’s a small point, but one worth making!

This is a fact – it happens every time.

If you own a pair of those plastic ‘drying balls’ that are supposed to make the stuff in your tumble-dryer dry faster, and you also own a duvet cover, then every time you put it in your dryer both balls will end up inside the duvet cover.

It doesn’t matter if you button the duvet cover 
either. Somehow they 
will still manage to get inside.

It always happens, and getting the balls out of the bedding will take you 
almost as long as drying it did, especially if it’s a double.

So, basically, if you want to save loads of time in your life, please don’t dry your 
duvet covers using those plastic drying balls!

Trust me, it’s invaluable advice.