There is nothing you can do to make a commuter happy

If you're going to do a job, do it properly... and not just before Christmas

CHERYL GIBBS: Decorating (badly) and Christmas do not mix

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Did you hear about the man in London who is hoping to make the lives of commuters ‘a little bit happier’ by sneaking notes containing feelgood phrases into newspapers left behind on the Tube?

The 29-year-old wants to get commuters to smile with lines such as ‘anything could happen today, it could be the best day of your life!’ and ‘be very careful not to be too careful’.

Every time I’ve got off the London Underground, I’ve always felt the need to seek out a Hazmat decontamination tent

I don’t think this man could be any more patronising if he tried.

I mean, who wants to be told to be happy? If I want to be miserable, then so be it. No-one wants the happiness police telling them what to do.

There’s even one note about eating more nuts, because that’s what squirrels do and they’re happy.

Well, I don’t think they are. You’ve got all those grey American ones who come over here, eating all our nuts.

Then if our poor squirrels are not getting attacked by the greys, they’re getting mowed down by cars.

And if that’s not bad enough, they’ve got to run up and down trees all day. Who wants to be doing that?

If leaving these silly notes was just about making people happy, why has the man responsible taken pictures of them and given them to the media?

Nothing like a bit of self-publicity, eh?

Deep down, the notes probably are some sort of sub-conscious self-help to gloss over his own miserable existence.

I’m not a fan of these notes at all, because it’s just pretentious rubbish.

I expect most of his friends have bombed him out and he’s filling the void in his life by putting out these needy, creepy notes.

We’re British, for heaven’s sake. We just don’t go in for this kind of thing.

He’s even released a selfie of himself, showing a slightly inane grin that tells me all may not be right with this one.

You’re a grown man, so stop writing notes like a Year 7 schoolgirl!

I don’t think there is anything that could a make a commute happy. Every time I’ve got off the London Underground, I’ve always felt the need to seek out a Hazmat decontamination tent.

And another thing. Why hasn’t he been fined for littering yet?