They can call it a beer festival but I still reckon it’s a big booze-up

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Germany’s world- famous Oktoberfest beer festival has ended.

The stats show that 6.4 million visitors drank 6.7 million litres of beer while they were there.

At first glance this sounds really bad, but if you think about it, what else are you supposed to do at a beer festival?

Seriously, if you don’t actually drink beer, what is the point of going?

Okay, you might start out tasting each beer and maybe listing the ones you like, but after 14 of them you’re really not going to care about doing that any more, are you?

And you might be interested in how the beer’s made, but after a few litres of it you’re just going to be saying: ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah… another glass please!’

Let’s face it. A beer festival is just what it should be; one almighty booze-up! It’s just that they can’t call it that because the police would get worried.

I bought a couple of ready meals while out shopping at the weekend and I saw something on them that really annoyed me. It said on the packaging ‘new improved recipe’.

Now, surely they should just put ‘new recipe’. As to whether it’s improved or not, I’ll be the judge of that thank you very much!

I heard the best alternative name ever for Mumford & Sons the other day, which references the fact that they’re all a bit posh.

Someone called them ‘The Waitrose Wurzels!’ No one’s ever going to top that.

There was someone from UKIP the other day going on about ‘the European gravy train’, with all these bureaucrats working in Brussels and getting hefty salaries for doing nothing.

One thing struck me about what he said.

Surely, it shouldn’t be called the ‘European gravy train’.

It should be called the ‘European jus train’ because they don’t have gravy on the continent, they have ‘jus’ don’t they? But ‘the jus train’ doesn’t sound quite as good, does it?

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