Things that have happened since you were born, George

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Legend has it that my dad, PJ, would come home from work, pick up that day’s edition of the Portsmouth Evening News and read to me in my cot.

Apparently I gave every impression I understood what he was reading about. Perhaps this early habit rubbed off and is now why I have a career in the media.

So now George, the new royal baby, is a week old, I thought I’d follow in PJ’s footsteps and tell him what’s happened in the world since he was born.

The first day is easy: it was all about you, George. You’ll get used to this, though you’ll probably hate it.

People will love you or loathe you without ever meeting you, basically because of what you’ll represent. Either way they’ll be discussing you until long after the day you pass your crown on to your son or daughter.

I’m sure there was other stuff going on too, but not so as you’d notice.

National pride was able to continue the next day, as England continued to wipe the floor with one of your Commonwealth colonies: Australia.

One day you’ll clap politely at Lords while hopefully inside you’ll be ferociously cheering on your team. It’s not just for the cricket – I hope you’ll feel the same about the rugger too.

On Thursday it was all about the church getting a bit of egg on its face. Apparently the Archbishop of Canterbury – the chap in the big hat whose successor will perform your coronation – said he was putting the might of the church against Wonga, without realising his church’s pension scheme actually invests in the payday lender.

You’ll probably never have to use Wonga yourself but, quite frankly, you should tell your government to ban them and their kind for their role in helping vulnerable people spiral into massive debt.

Justin Welby had a point – it’s just a shame he didn’t check with the accountancy vicars or the finance bishops before making it so publicly.

Locally, your subjects in the Portsmouth area rejoiced in your safe arrival, kept on enjoying the hot weather and revelled in the cricket and a weekend of summer fun at the dockyard.

Same time next week, George?