To scrunch or to fold – that is the ‘riveting’ question from Andrex

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Well folks, did you resist 
revealing to the 
nation whether you scrunch or fold?

For years we’ve oohed and aahed at cute puppies cavorting around with toilet paper in the Andrex TV adverts.

Recently the company has enquired into our intimate lavatorial secrets, and asked us to go online and divulge whether we scrunch or fold our loo paper.

I’m chuffed to fluffy balls to announce the earth-shattering results of their survey – 35 per cent scrunch and 65 per cent fold.

Wow, fascinating, not!

And even more mind- numbingly humdrum is they give scrunching and folding statistics on their website.

Toilet paper scrunchers are most likely to be men.

But both men and women scrunchers are more likely to be footie fans, have blue eyes, live in a big family, be left-handed, wear glasses, go to the theatre, and squeeze toothpaste from the top.

Whereas toilet paper folders are more likely to live in the city, enjoy camping, be married, like horror films, be fitness fanatics and squeeze toothpaste from the bottom.

So what are you, a scruncher or folder?

All I’ll say is, I’m a bottom squeezer.

When I was little, I spent most of my time at my grandparents’ house in Fratton.

It was a typical terraced house of the time, with an outside loo.

My French grandpere had a mischievous sense of humour, and put a notice on the wall regarding economical use of toilet paper.

‘3 pieces only – 1 to wipe, 1 to clean, 1 to polish’.

Plus there was cut-up newspaper hung on a string, but you got newsprint on your bottie.

None of your soft, scented toilet tissue in those days dear.

And finally.... I noted in The News that one reader was thrilled that WiFi may be installed in new local buses.

And he didn’t have any complaints about paying his full fare ‘unlike some members of society that travel for free and still manage to gripe’.

Eee, is he on about us grumpy old gals and geezers with our free bus passes? Hey, we wrinklies have earned our free travel and the right to moan.